A Generation of Leaves

Faith, Hope, Love, and Charity

2012-02-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

I like days where it seems someone is sharing an inside joke with you, as if God Himself decided to "like" your day. Okay picturing the Almighty pressing the Like button is a little silly, but somedays you need silly.

The other day I had one of those moments. It came at the end of the day, after a round of goofiness during dinner, a flurry of activity to wrap up the day, and end of a week of a sore throat. I realized I had been visited by Faith, Hope, Love, and Charity all in one day. It made me giddy.

In came in different forms for each. Hope showed up in a book. Jefferson Hope via A Study in Scarlet, our first foray into Sherlock Holmes. Charity showed up in a survey question, which types of charities do you support? Faith showed up in a strange place. A movie called Strange Days, Juliette Lewis' character. Great movie, never seen it before. Didn't realize it was a James Cameron movie until the credits.

Love showed up at dinnertime. Z and I were making pancakes and bacon. Bacon is like a required food group around here, teen boys and bacon go together. So I started in on a round of All you Need is Love and Z would add ....and bacon during the pause. It was hilarious. I'm trying to talk him into doing a video of it. We'll see.

So it was a good day, a memorable day, dare I say a likeable day.

Choose to Be

2012-02-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

Even though it is a Saturday, be intentional. If you want a nap, take a nap. If you need to run errands, run errands. Own the choices you make for the day. Many of us live for others during the week, make your Saturday your own. (This could apply even if your "Saturday" is not today.)

Gathering Dust and Growing Old

2012-01-21T18:10:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been thinking of the movie The Road. In one scene Viggo, The Man, goes into a house that I believe he had lived in before. The couch is there, once brightly colored, some pattern probably dated and garish. But the couch is dusty, the fabric worn, faded. The man touches and the couch and you can see the are memories soaring through him. He pulls the cushion off and turns it over. The underside of the couch is bright and clear, not faded, not dusty, not worn. He puts the cushion back in place with the bright side facing up. I can't remember the rest of the scene, but that part stuck with me. It's been a while since I've seen the movie. It's been a while for a lot of things in my life it seems. I've been feeling worn and dusty, faded and abandoned.

I am also blessed with a lot of people in my life that are willing to turn over my cushion and allow my bright side to show. Some of them I know well, some of them I know well and yet we've never met. Never discount what affect the encouragement you give to others might have, even to people you've only known online. The internet has changed the face of friendship. I value my in real life friendships and relationships, but I value my internet friends as well. Some of them know the inner workings of my soul, some of them get me, and I hope I give the same in return.

Message boards, facebook, twitter, google +, yahoo groups, many of these place allow us to show ourselves to the world. Many of us are just regular people that grocery shop on Saturday and help the kids with homework, but online we can be real. I know that sounds funny because there is so much anonymity online, so many people not being real, but for me it's showing a side of me that people outside my household seldom see. I can be funny, poignant, snarky, bitter, helpful, or encouraging and those are all aspects of me, things you might not see over a cup of coffee in real life.

My couch cushions may be worn, but every once in a while someone turns it over and smiles when they see my bright side. I appreciate that.

Remodeling for 2012

2012-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

Because you know if the world is going to end, this may be the final year to get my blog the way I want it. :)

Life has sucked me away from blogging over the holidays. 2011 ended with a thud, like getting hit with an Angry Bird, which has also sucked my time away. I got a new phone and beat several levels of Angry Birds before I ever made a phone call. Got to love technology.

I did make some goals for my personal life. I have writing and reading goals for 2012. As our budget is tight and my stack of unread books tall, I've outlined reading for the entire year. I'm not doing a contest, no 8/8/8 or 9/9/9 or whatever I did for 2010 and 2011. This year I'm focusing my reading on categories of study. Some are related to school for Z. We're studying Ancient History next year and I need to study myself.

Along with the reading goals, I've made writing goals. They are not as extensive, but the do involve finally dusting off my existing projects, deciding their fate, and finishing something. With the purchase of Scrivener software I see my editing being more organized. Plus I have my all powerful editing hat.

This weekend I'll be cleaning the blog, dusting the cobwebs, updating the pages, all sorts of fun stuff.

Welcome to 2012.

Nano 2011: Day 25

2011-11-25T16:38:00.000-08:00

Not much to stay today. Didn't touch the story. In fact, since I am in essence done with writing I believe this will be my last blog post for this year's Nano (Cries of joy are heard all around the kingdom).

I ended my story in a dark place, a place I can easily fall into in real life. I have a hard enough time with this upcoming season (for many reasons) so I need to work on finding that daily joy and peace. So I'm going to set aside my story for now. As I say that I'll probably think of the solution I need tonight and write like crazy until midnight.

Nano 2011: Day 24

2011-11-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

Cooked Thanksgiving dinner and still have written 3k words today. I know how to multi-task! My story is nearing the point of completion. I had two major scenes left to write. I'm not sure which one will be the true finale, but I'l write them both and decide later.

Nanowrimo always teaches me something about my own writing. For reference I am not a published author. That might change soon as I have a few irons in the fire, but I am not currently published. This is my fifth year participating in Nano and I do a similar writing contest in June called WriDaNoJu (Write a Damn novel in June). So each time I crank out 50k in a month I learn something.

The first year I learned I can and do enjoy writing. It had been a long time since I'd taken the time to focus on my own interests and hobbies. My husband and son listened enthusiastically to my story. I've since read it with more critical eyes, it will sit on the shelf. I did learn my family is supportive of my writing habit.

Year two brought a challenge for word count. We had a challenge in our region and I won with 131,452 words. I'm really not that competitive unless it comes to a word challenge. I learned how to sleep in wrist braces that year.

Year three was a stretch as I attempted to create a semi-futuristic environment with shades of Ancient Rome lingering. I learned that I need to do more reading and research before I copy elements of another society.

Year four was a challenge as we made a long distance move at the beginning of the month. I was living with my parents while my husband worked on our "new" house, which was built in the 1920s.Yes, it's quite charming. I adore my home.

I just had a brain freeze. For the life of me I couldn't remember what I wrote last year for Nano. I found it. Sheesh, I'm not that old, but I am that tired.

Anyway, last year's story is only so-so. I ended up with more fluffy than I like because of the circumstances of our lives. It has hope, but I embellished too much. Maybe it would make a good short story.

However, this year's story is worthy of further review. I already see multiple areas I'll need to research. My game plan after nano is to print the story, put in a plastic folder and set it on the bookcase for a few months. I then read with fresh eyes and part of the story out of my head.

My goal for next year is to write less and edit more. However, I always fall short. I love to write, that's part of the therapy for the chaos of life. Editing is work. It's tedious, it takes more focus than I sometimes have time for. But I want to someday call myself a published writer, so I endure.

Children are the great equalizer of life. My son asked me the other day why I didn't just publish what I had written. Common sense, huh? I started a second story to the one based upon Ancient Rome. It's different charcters save one. I could work on that. There would be weaving of stories that would require research, but still keep me writing.

I have a lot of reading scheduled for December, non novel related unless you count Herodotus as a novel. While doing that I have lecture series from The Great Courses on the Masterpieces of short Fiction. After that look our drafts, I'm coming at you with a red pen.

The turkey is kicking in. I'm ready for bed.

Nano 2011: Day 23

2011-11-23T14:55:00.000-08:00

No writing today. I backed up and printed my story. I wrote a few extra words last night, saved them, and wow, this morning they're gone. Bummer. I need to finish reading, work out a few details and finish the story.

Will be working on Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Hopefully, I will have some time to write after the kitchen is cleaned.

Nano 2011: Day 22

2011-11-23T04:56:00.000-08:00

Forgot to type this last night. Hit 50k today. Going to work on those bare spots today. Don't forget to back up your novel as you'll have to verify your word count. Don't want to lose those precious words. Write on, people.

Nano 2011: Day 21

2011-11-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

Moved to the end of the story today. There's a missing chapter, but that's the point I need to contemplate. Right now I need words, not contemplation, so I moved to the end. My MC is experiencing a real challenge, a real pain, going to a very dark place in his soul.

He hasn't quite realized his role in this whole scenario that is my story. Maybe a metaphor for life. Somedays those dark moments are easier to write, maybe too easy.

Oh, btw we have a new coffee pot. It's nice and shiny and has a better spout than our old one. Darth Vader is out, this one needs a name. Hm, will have to ponder that one once I get my MC out of his issue.

Nano 2011: Day 20

2011-11-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

Almost at 45k. Words not flowing as smoothly today. I'm stuck on a major plot point, one that wasn't in the original outline. So now I'm stalling. My characters are currently having coffee while sitting on the balcony, while I currently have coffee and think about the other things on my list today.

Having family over for dinner, have to clean the kitchen before I cook. So my writing is done for the day. Now to motivate myself to go clean, ugh!

Nano 2011: Day 19

2011-11-19T14:21:00.001-08:00

Entered the 42k range today. I'm hoping to write some more today and much tomorrow. I'm getting a more clear idea of how to end this story, and how to work the sequel. I write my stories in pairs, not really knowing if part two is going to work on not. It helps me go back to part one and make sure my plot can come to a logical conclusion, even if I decide to not finish part two.

Lots of stuff on the burner today. Well not food, as I cleaned the stove top today. My red shirted characters is making himself useful, not as much as I hoped, but I still think he needs to be there.

Ironically there was a parade outside my doors today. An honest to goodness small town Christmas parade. I haven't finished planning Thanksgiving and they want Christmas? Lots of red-shirted people out there. Son didn't think I was funny pointing out their perilous future. The dog thought the horses walking down the street were neat. I didn't let her out, she carried on last time the parade went by. Last thing I need is my name in the paper for having my dog create a horse stampede through the town square. Although that would make a good story.

And I'm wearing blue today, color of writers, nanowrimo, and those who wish they were on the beach. Okay, I made all that up, except Nano is sort of blue, I'm sort of blue, and the warm water I wish I was dipping my toes in today is blue. Ah*sigh* again *sigh*. We are what we do, sometimes we are what we have to do. Just please don't let it snow tonight, that would be too much.

Nano 2011: Day 18

2011-11-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

about 1700 words today. I'm tired. My son wasn't feeling well so I made him real chicken noodle soup. Have I mentioned I don't cook well? That I"m not a fan of cooking? Well the soup turned out good. Hopefully he'll get some sleep tonight.

Another one of my characters surprised me today. He was in the beginning of the story, just a minor character. I moved him into the role of a supporting character and he's been a big help. He helped my protagonist overcome a hurdle today. He's wasn't necessarily nice about it, tactful, yet direct.

Tomorrow I'm hoping my third supporting character will define his role better. He's a red shirt right now, only necessary for one scene, but he has potential.

Did I mention I'm tired? It's been a long week. Our coffee pot died this morning. Thankfully dh made an impromptu survival-type pot before he went to work. A dead coffee pot in our house is like a day of mourning. I brought out the little 4 cup model that will have to do until payday. We have an unwritten rule about coffee pots in our house, there must always be a working one.

I will miss this coffee pot though. It's a Black and Decker and I swear the designer has a nerdy sense of humor. You open the lid and it looks like the helmet of Darth Vader. We called it the time traveling coffee pot. The time would always get messed up, so I told my son that during the night the coffee pot would time travel. Now that would be the way to go, caffeine to go, really to go. So the coffee pot has died. Perhaps in a parallel universe it is still working, and that is the way I'd like best to remember it. *sniff*moment of silence*

Thank God tomorrow is Saturday, I'm sleeping in!

Nano 2011: Day 17

2011-11-17T16:57:00.000-08:00

My protagonist surprised me today. He balked, he stalled, he threw a fit. And you know what it fit. I love the twist. It made everyone one else react in an appropriate way. I found out more about them through the experience. I love it when my characters take over.

Nano 2011: Day 16

2011-11-16T18:57:00.000-08:00

Almost 3k words today, keeping me ahead in the count. Of course today's writing was a little productive and a lot of fluff. The story is in a lull, some important things are being revealed, but it's being done over breakfast and a break and even perhaps a few moments of redundant dialogue. I love writing dialogue, because it sounds like I would expect people to talk. Most people I know don't wax eloquently about the detail of a room, the senses that are invaded as they smell those pancakes, most people just talk to each other. It's all those unconscious things, like the texture of pancakes in your mouth, the feel of the back of the sofa, the fear that rises throughout your soul when you have to deal with unwanted confrontation (or revelation), those are what trip me up. Those are the areas I go back and finesse later. Those show, don't tell moments that bring your reader into your world. I'll go back and clean out the cobwebs later. January is usually a good time to do that. Maybe I'll invite you into my world someday, I'll even provide the pancakes.

Nano 2011: Day 15

2011-11-15T17:01:00.000-08:00

Got past the climax of my story today. It's starting to feel familiar, like I want to spend time with my characters. I'm interested in who they are, who they reveal themselves to be. My character also found out today that it's good to have people on your side, even if you're not sure why they are. Again real life seeps into my story.

Nano 2011: Day 14

2011-11-14T20:09:00.003-08:00

29,123, that is all.

Nano 2011: Day 13

2011-11-13T16:36:00.000-08:00

No writing today. My husband is getting set to work twelve straight days, so I'm going to hang out with him. Also walked with son tonight. He's learning how to assert authority over the dog as we walk. He did good today.

I did print out the rest of my story and read it through. It actually makes sense, aside from the spelling, grammar, and a few content errors.

I'm liking where this story is headed. Worked myself out of the despair mode today, just living in the peace of the moment.

Nano 2011: Day 12

2011-11-12T18:41:00.000-08:00

One good thing about Nano, you stay busy. I pulled out some files from that inbox. You know the one that piles up with things you intend to get to right away. Well, when you take the time to avoid writing, that's when those things get addressed.

Wrote over 2k words today, my total is over 25k. I'm happy. I like my story, I added a new element to my stry, something that takes it past the comfortable despair. The despair that you see, you read, you sense, but you know it's not real. You can still read the chapter, close the book, turn off the light and snuggle under the covers for a good night sleep. I've moved past that comfort zone, sometimes I get there, sometimes I have to dip my toes into the reality of that despair to write it correctly. When I write that, when I rip into the depths and let it bleed on the keyboard for a while, I am a better person.

I made pancakes tonight. I love pancakes, but I'm also working on going gluten free. My grocery finally had gluten free Bisquick. So I had pancakes, made my guys regular pancakes, and I sang while cooking. Much to the annoyance of my son. He smiled while he complained. He's pretty cool.

So some of my despair is gone into character, my belly is full, and I have more to write. It's a good day.

Nano 2011: Day 11

2011-11-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't written yet today, I may take today off. I did figure out a few plot points, how I'm going to end the story, and a few more details that I needed the think through. Some I'm focused on my story, just not writing today.

I'm glad it's Friday. Tomorrow I have a lot of paperwork to do, and my son needs a haircut very badly. So tomorrow I will write, I shall be triumphant. Or something like that.

Nano 2011: Day 10

2011-11-10T20:09:00.002-08:00

Less than a 1000 words today. Busy, busy with life. Found a new clue to add to my story to make it more spicy. As Hannibal would say, I love it when a plan comes together.

Nano 2011: Day 9

2011-11-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Woke up to snow this morning. Earthquakes and snow in the same week. Not that weather affects me too much. The sun shined today, that was good. I do the same thing everyday regardless of weather. I think my moods are affected by weather. The leaves left on the trees are pretty now.

I moved into a new part of my story today. My character is reflecting back on his life as he heads into a new conflict. My character grew up on the beach, I did not. This fact has always bothered me a bit. I love the beach, my husband loves the beach. But we live no where near one. We are where we're supposed to be for now, there is a peace in that. But there is no salt air, no complaints about sand in our cars, no sun lightened hair or warm tan on my skin.

Maybe this is why getting rid of the grey has been helpful. It wasn't so much the grey that bothered me, it was the dark color my hair became. It accented the lines becoming more apparent in my face. Aging is not for the weak of spirit, and right now I'm kind of iffy on where I lie on that, the spirit thing that is. Perhaps that is why many of my stories involve people who are younger than me. Am I hanging onto my youth? Perhaps? Am I ready to feel old? No way! Am I ready to feel my age. Perhaps.

My story is moving along, developing, becoming. Perhaps that's the point of writing, because I'm experiencing those things as well.

Nano 2011: Day 8

2011-11-08T19:16:00.000-08:00

20103, that's my word count. I'm happy with it. I haven't been able to write as much as I wanted to in the last few days, but that's all right.

Last night I experienced a first though. I felt an earthquake, the one in Oklahoma. I'm over 500 miles away and the motion was slight, my office chair felt like a Mack truck was driving by outside. It only lasted about 15 seconds. I didn't realize until about a hour later that it really was the earthquake, not some equilibrium issue.

I'm extremely tired this evening. It's just been a hectic day. Going to roll into bed early, save my story, and turn off the light.

Nano 2011: Day 7

2011-11-07T19:22:00.000-08:00

Day 7 brings me over the 18k mark. Still not at my quota for words for the day, but it's early yet. Busy day, back to school, it's raining and it's cold.

I'm working on a scene that is not fully developed in my head. It's more of a transition scene, so I'm creating the framework that will take us to the next scene. That next scene creates a shift in location and tone of the story. I know that part. Part of it is this transition scene will require real research. I don't mind research, but I have to be in the mood to do it. Considering I can't find the top of my desk again today, I may not make time this month.

Day 7 is a crucial day for me in Nano. It's generally where I either love or hate my story. I also compete in a writing contest in June, WriDaNoJu, and it's the same thing there. Someone asked me about Nano last month. Why I continue to do it, what to expect. One of the things I've found is that at some point in the month I feel like my story is the next great masterpiece to be unveiled. That when I die it will be housed near the Mona Lisa because of it's awesomeness (I'm a child of the 80s, I like the word awesome). Of course it's all a delusion, no first draft is worthy or publication. I read through the complete draft last night, I see so many errors. But I'm not telling that part of my brain that thinks I'm Shakespeare, that is what keeps me writing every day. I know I'm in trouble if by day 7 I haven't at least fallen in love with part of my story or a character.

Off to finish for today and make sure there is no water in the basement, it's raining hard.

Nano 2011: Day 6

2011-11-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

Day 6 has been very productive. I covered the grey; I now have a nice reddish brown tone. It's perfect, I feel five years younger, sort of.

I wrote over 2500 words, including one of the pivotal scenes. I'll probably print the whole thing out and read it tonight. I do that just to make sure I'm getting the tone and mood I want. I don't edit or change, but I generally get inspired by a reading.

I also found the top of my desk today. Piles of papework. We're back to school tomorrow, so someone should be organized, probably starting with me.

I also listened to this wonderful TED talk from Elizabeth Gilbert. I have not read Eat, Pray, Love. I think I own it, but it's somewhere. (Don't ask, I tend to buy books at thrift stores to stock on reading material. I have enough to last until the second zombie apocalypse and I found out tonight my Dad bought me some antique readers at an auction today- small jump of joy). Here's the link. If you are a creative type, if you appreciate classical history, if you know someone who is a brooding artist, you owe it to yourself to spend twenty minutes listening. It's just the kick you might need after almost a week of Nano.

Elizabeth Gilbert on Genius

Oh, and I'm wearing my temporary writing hat. I'll post a picture maybe tomorrow. It's goofy, it's a hat.

Nano 2011: Day 5

2011-11-05T19:23:00.001-07:00

Still haven't written a word yet. Managed to get in about 1700 last night after posting. Left the house today for the first time in a week, that was nice. Bought hair color, I'm having an aging complex. I opted to let my hair go grey about a year ago. It's not awful, but my non-grey hairs are way darker than I like. So sometime tomorrow my load of curly locks will be sporting Clairol Balsam Color 608b (Light Bronze Brown). It will be more copper on my hair as I have red tones naturally. I don't know if I'll fell younger, but I'll look that way.

Had impromptu company for dinner, it was nice. I had just started cooking when my parents dropped by. We had a nice round of bacon and eggs, and some good conversation.

Had a long conversation with my son about his video production desires. He's 14, he thinks big, bigger than our budget. I love that really. He's pretty awesome, but I'm fairly biased :)

Off to write some now, There's still plenty of time to get words in before midnight.

Nano 2011: Day 4

2011-11-04T18:38:00.000-07:00

How many words have I written today? Zero. I'm better, I was able to get out of bed. I had visitors and some things to deal with.

And Peter Bishop is back. So after Fringe is over, I'm going to put some words to paper, okay words on the computer.

And I ate three meals today, first time all week. And I'm debating on dying my hair again. I've been working on accepting the grey, but the copper color of Nina Sharp's hair is fairly stunning. We have a similar complexion color. So who knows, maybe I'll go red this weekend. Oh, and I'll write a few chapters too.

Nano 2011: Day 3

2011-11-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

I'm at over 10k. I'm feeling better and will have to actually do something besides write tomorrow. The story is flowing nicely still. I'm at the point I able to write some of the scenes that have been lingering in my head for a few weeks. Great I've made more room in my brain! (insert evil laughter) ignore the snickering behind you...

I blew up something I hadn't planned on blowing up. That necessitated me changing the setting of at least one major scene. I'll have to write that tomorrow as I don't have a clue where the change will take place.

So my characters are standing around waiting for direction right now. Usually a weird dream or two will settle that debate. Although I'm not using last night's dream, it was too weird and involved alligators. I'm not using alligators in this story.

Nano 2011: Day 2

2011-11-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

Still sick in bed. The power went out, twice, it's rainy and cold. But I'm at 6700 words and the story is flowing exceedingly well.

In the story it's the day after an alien attack. The city is under mandatory evacuation, and my MC was attacked my looters while finding refuge in his parent's house.

I'm having a better day relative to my character, so it's all good.

Nano 2011: Day 1

2011-11-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Sick since Sunday, great for word count though. I have over 3500 today and will probably finish around 4k.

I'm using the Scrivener trial program and I really like it. I like that you can divide up your writing into chapters and scenes, but still easily merge them. This is great for me because I sometimes jump around when I write. That will happen with this story for sure as I've been working it out in my head for the last few months.

I see many other uses for the program too, I'm glad they made a Windows version.

I've previously been using Page Four, which is also a great program. It has more basic features, and has served me well over the last few years.

Back to writing now. Happy writing, don't eat too much left over Halloween candy.

Time to Write, Right?

2011-10-31T10:30:00.001-07:00

The Eve of Nano is upon us. May God have mercy upon our souls.

I have now opted to blog everyday during Nanowrimo. *

*Disclaimer: blog posts written early in the morning may not be coherent due to lack of caffeine and/or sleep. Blog posts written in the evening may not be coherent due to adverse effects of too much caffeine and/or chocolate and/or licorice. Any typos, grammar mistakes, or insertion of foreign curse words may be blamed on the above. The lack of inclusion of "negative" words such as Not, None, No may be blamed on a hormonal imbalance due to a horrid thing called aging.

Let the Blue Jays be Blue Jays

2011-10-12T06:36:00.001-07:00

No, I'm not talking about baseball. I'm talking about birds. We have a blue jay family that lives in our neighborhood. Occasionally they wake me up with their jabbering. This morning one is sitting on a tree right outside my open window...*pause* enjoy the cool fall breeze *unpause*... and he is noisy. Do I care? No today, and it's a blue jay, that's how they are supposed to sound.

Which got me thinking (which is always dangerous while I'm on my second cup of coffee) about the sparrows. We have a flock of sparrows that hang out at our bird feeder. They're quiet and flighty, they have a certain hierarchy in their feeding. Some sit on the deck rail to wait their turn. They're certainly more meek than a Blue Jay. In fact if a Blue Jay shows up they fly away. Maybe the sparrows are muttering under their breath, but I know they are glad when the Blue Jay warns them about the neighborhood cats out on the prowl.

People spend their lives studying birds. I am not one of them. Occasionally you hear about a new form of bird being discovered. People delight in that. Even if it's not a new species, some people keep logs of their bird watching habits. So why are people required to be so different? DaVinci wanted to fly like a bird. Icarus flew for a little bit, yet the status quo wants us to be alike. Get a job, get married, own a house, have children, cut your hair a certain way, drive a certain kind of car, etc, etc. I think we were meant to live like the birds. Some of us are meek and work better in groups, some of us are loud and brash, but handy in an emergency. Some of us eat worms.. okay, maybe we don't eat worms.

Embrace who you are. On any given day I can see several types of birds hanging out in my yard. They are different colors and sizes, have different characteristics, yet they all seem to get along. Why can't we? Do you feel out of place? Maybe you're a sparrow trying to hang with the Ravens, maybe you're a Blue Jay trying to hang with the sparrows. Who knows, maybe you're a hawk or an eagle and meant to soar higher than you ever thought possible. Embrace your uniqueness, embrace your wings.

2011-09-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

Rust and Erosion,

The Course of the Day

All things in time just fade away.

Some parts get broken

No putty or paint

Can put back the spots

As strong as they were

Some things are fragile,

Time will not wait.

It snatches away,

No more to be seen

Rusted through

As though they'd never been.

-E.L.

Feeling Old

2011-09-12T17:52:00.002-07:00

Dare to be bold
Dare to get old.
Truth in the lines
Upon our face
Truth that we
bare without disgrace.

Age is best hidden among the young.
Life falls hard when the flame of youth doth fail.
Life's agenda weighed upon the scales.
Oh to be young and give truth the slip,
And take back the words felled over our lip.

The Wisdom of Tolkien

2011-09-08T06:00:00.001-07:00

I choked up reading this aloud to Z yesterday. I don't think he noticed; I tried to play it off as a cough. At the end of chapter three:

"But where shall I find courage?" asked Frodo. "The is what I chiefly need."
"Courage is found in unlikely places," said Gildor. "Be of good hope! Sleep now!"

I'm still in the sleeping phase I think, still searching for the courage, still holding onto hope, perhaps in the form of a hobbit.

The Courage to be Honest

2011-08-31T02:15:00.000-07:00

Oh, no, we're talking about courage again! Yes, sorry, wait, I'm not sorry. Like the cat waking you up at three a.m., you know it's bound to happen eventually.

I had an epiphany the other day. Again it was in the middle of the night and I didn't want to get up and write about it then. That's discipline, still working on that one too. My brilliant thought (face it, they're all brilliant at three a.m.) was that I'm not afraid of rejection, at least not in the writerly sense. I'm afraid of the lack of honesty.

I've been holding out, but I submitted one of my short stories for publication. The publisher replied back with some questions and requested some changes. You know what, it didn't feel like rejection, it felt like conversation. It felt like they cared enough to acknowledge my work. I made the changes without hesitation, mainly because I agreed with their point. I resubmitted and things look promising. I'll let you know more on that later.

I almost sighed once I finally read their e-mail reply (I overlooked their reply for several weeks and finally saw it- note to self: pay more attention to e-mails from certain groups!). It was a relief. Why? Because my writing felt real? Because I might be able to finally say I am a published author? One short story does not equal a best seller I know, but there is some excitement in thinking I could finally present something to people who keep asking when they'll be able to read my work. It's a beginning.

But what about the honest thing? Writing is an endeavor of love for many people; subjecting it to critique can be difficult. I started to think back to a few other endeavors of love, things I devoted many hours and money towards. Two things, two times of my life stick out in my head. I'm not going to name them because its irrelevant to my point, and I also am still working through some feelings about both of them. Both of these endeavors, passions that defined who I as at the moment, lacked something. They lacked an honesty, a sincere conversation of passion between all parties involved.

My enthusiasm for these endeavors was great. I had no issue devoting myself wholly to them. Looking back I feel like I was being a place holder, being allowed to exist there because I was so enthusiastic about it, because I was willing and able to devote my time. There was no critique, no individual notes about improvements, no expectation of progress or refinement, at least not at the individual level.

I've reflected on both of these recently. They both involved some good times, happy memories, but there was also a sense of falsehood in each of them. There was an unspoken boundary line that was not crossed, the line of how helpful, how good you at this endeavor. There was no one there to hand me a rejection slip or a critique form. I was allowed to exist in these worlds without any real perspective on my role in these groups.

Looking back I get irritated. Is someone had been honest and spoke up to say this wasn't working out like you planned, I would have found another way to spend my time and money. Granted I didn't see this while I was in the midst of the passion. I would have listened though and that is the hard part. Honesty has always been a pet peeve, a valued trait, something I consider essential in life. Now I see that many years of life were spent being involved in activities that were less than honest. Now they weren't illegal, they weren't immoral, they were decent activities that many people flourish at, I just wasn't one of them.

I often wonder about the people who were leading those particular endeavors. I wonder if they felt they couldn't be honest with me? I sometimes have a naive overenthusiastic look on things, I'm idealistic, I believe in Utopia. At some points I have a childlike exuberance for things. I've also come to realize I don't live anywhere near Utopia. I'm also a big girl and prefer honest truth as to veiled truth. Tact is important, don't get me wrong, but somewhere along the way, the truth always comes out. I wish it had come out sooner, so I could have found my true passion during that time.

My irritation is with myself, that I didn't ask those pointed questions, that I unquestionably believed in my value without seeking outside validation. So maybe submitting my writings won't be so hard. A rejection is an acknowledgement, right? An e-mail asking for changes means there is some value, but it needs polish or definition.

It's almost four a.m., I have no idea how this post will come across, but I ask you consider your endeavors today. Are you being honest about your ability/worth/value to that group? I ask you to consider those people who might under your tutelage, have you been honest with them? One of the things that irritates me the most it that I had other things I could have been doing with my life, things that I would have loved to pursue if I had known the reality of role. I've spent many hours wondering if I could get back that wasted time. I can't. And it's not about being perfect either, it's about being honestly involved in something, something that feels real years after the fact. Neither one of these do.

I have a few other endeavors that still feel real after years. Both have been verified by others that these were ideal times, memories to cherish, events that were real. There was honest emotion between the parties involved. One of those is my previous writing group.I've moved away from all my writing friends. I miss our get togethers, our writing sessions that ended in talking and dreaming. I can honestly reflect back on that time and it felt real, it was honest, it was valued. Those relationships are still happening, albeit from a greater distance.

It takes great courage to be honest with others, great courage to be honest with yourself. Don't let the years escape unexamined.

I Really should be Sleeping, Instead I'm Blogging

2011-08-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

If it isn't this, it would be something else, right? My eyes are sore, my body is tired, but my mind is going 100 mph. Just one of those days.

Have you ever watched a movie and wished your life were like that movie? Yeah, I think we all have. Well have you ever watched a movie and realized it's exactly like your life and then you're bummed afterward? We've probably all done that too.

So do you embrace the you that your are or rise up like Scarlett O'Hara and make a ball gown from your curtains? Frankly, some days are more like that Carol Burnett spoof of Gone with the Wind, the one where Carol ended up wearing the curtains, rod and all. Yup, some days are like that, you end up wearing the rod and not giving a damn.

I don't know. We have one more week before school starts and I'm glad. I'm ready for this summer to be over. I have too many undone things to feel like we accomplishated much. I have five more business days to focus on those things. Honestly, I won't finish the list (the magical list that is easy to make, harder to do). I'll prioritize the list in the morning.

I have one more short story half completed. I have the beginning written, I know the ending, but the middle part is gooey, like unformed and unknown. Perhaps it will reveal itself to me in my wacky dreams tonight. It's almost tomorrow, so my early morning dreams maybe. If I can finish the draft tomorrow and edit for the next three days, I'll be able to submit a second story for consideration by my self-imposed August 15th deadline. ...Or I might end up organizing the rest of the house in order to avoid finishing.

It doesn't take courage to start sometimes, it takes courage to finish. That's our theme for the year, remember? Courage, shelled out in small doses, sucking it down like dark chocolate on a hot day. Satisfying afterward, splendid to look forward to.

:sigh: I did, I actually just sighed. I've been thinking about dead ancestors lately. Like long ago dead ancestors. I've been fortunate that many others have completed genealogy research over the years. My ancestors conquered countries, founded cities, build a castle or two, sailed the Atlantic, founded more cities and then traveled. For some reason most of them stopped mid way through the country. Why? I don't know. The mid-west is nice, but it's not fascinating. I'm sure it was more beautiful one hundred and fifty years ago. But when the majority of my ancestors stopped something in their DNA didn't. A wanderlust, a need to conquer, a challenge, might I even say a quest. So for a lot of life I've felt like I'm challenging windmills.

Writing is a self-imposed quest in a way. Paul Valery says that The artist's whole business is to make something out of nothing. Well I have a lot of little somethings running around in my head, some of them are on paper, some of them have promise, some of them are just windmills.

Tomorrow when I prioritize my list, I think the writing is going to the top. I think. It's late and I may change my mind. But school is planned, chores that need to get done won't take that long, and the other projects can be put on hold.

The need to explore and seek adventure have not died in my generation. It hasn't even died in my lifetime. It's just changed directions and headed inward. Frankly, that's a lot more scary than the thought of leaving your home country.

Writing and School and Life

2011-07-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

The last month or so has involved a lot of school planning, adding 50k words to my story count, and trying to organize the classroom. Now I'm dusting off my blog here to start fresh.

The school planning is almost done. Yesterday was my last official day of planning. Yes, I'm cutting myself off from school work *twitch*twitch*. For the next thirty days (we start back to school August 15th), my plan is to work on submitting at least two stories to Pocket Novels Publishing, and read/edit one of my novels. Aside from that I have some reading to do.

I've been getting creative in my decorating as well. I had Tigger cut up a door we were going to trash. It's going to be three new additions to wall art in the house. I'll post as I do those. I also got creative with bookshelves storage and photo boxes, or maybe I just felt the need to transform something. At any rate I have more bookshelf space.

The hot stages of summer have arrived. The AC works wonderfully, thank you! I trimmed my hair and cut a little too much off, whoops. It's cooler, but now I resemble a shaggy dog.

Last night we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark. I have been neglectful in my duties as parent. Z had not seen the whole movie. For many years it was my favorite movie. Now Z is a good kid and enjoyed the movie, but it didn't hold the magic for him. His comment is that it wasn't better than Star Wars. I sighed. It used to be for me, but I understand. I can't believe the movie itself is thirty years old. That's just seems unreal. I was about Z's age when I saw it for the first time. At least I didn't quote the whole movie as we watched, I could have though.

After we turned it off, Time Bandits was on TV. We've seen and love that show. Z commented we should buy it just to own it. What about Indy? Don't you want to own Indy too? Sigh, again. I went to bed and licked my wounds. I think Time Bandits was in the $5.00 bin at Walmart the other day. I could go check. *sniff*

We all have Wings, Some of us don't know Why

2011-06-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

A little INXS this week is a good thing. The title is lyrics from their song Never Tear us Apart. Enjoy this unplugged version, very cool.

Why? Why INXS this week? I think there are some time we need to realize that are wings are rusty, that we need to practice flying.

Leonardo DaVinci said that art is never finished, only abandoned. I think, like wings, we all have art in us in some form.

So dust off you art, strap on your wings, and fly. Life is too short to live it all on the ground.

Courage in the midst of the Storm

2011-05-28T19:51:00.000-07:00

This little robin rode out the worst of our storms this week under our covered porch. It was the first time I had seen him leave the nest. He sat and faced the winds and rain with great courage, that's a chair he's clinging to. Momma must have been trying to move them because they haven't been back to the original nest, but they survived the storm.

This has been a hard week emotionally. If this young robin can have courage, perhaps I can too. Birds and people may be fragile creatures, but their spirits....their spirits are strong.

An Interview with Anthony Horowitz

2011-04-25T06:45:00.001-07:00

A friend sent me this link. A great interview; he is obviously enthusiastic about his work. I wonder how many of us got distracted with Plan B for our lives when Plan A would have worked just fine?

VSMR: Triage

2011-04-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Triage is a gripping movie that examines humanity, sometimes scrapping the bottom of the barrel to see what humanity is left. Collin Farrell is excellent as a war photographer coming to grips after his latest assignment. It's a story about choices and learning to live with the ones you make in the blink of an eye, or the slip of a piece of paper.

Note: This movie contains images that might be disturbing for some viewers. Fortunately this movie does not let you alone with them. If you listen closely they characters help you process the information.

I caught this on cable last night. I plan to watch again, there are some great nuggets of wisdom in how to deal with the choices in our own lives.

VSMR: Brothers

2011-04-22T19:42:00.001-07:00

Brothers is well acted, nicely shot, but falls flat in the end. It's almost as if it's not about genetic brothers, but brotherhood. I was left disappointed with the conclusion. Up until the ending I was appreciating it. This movie left you with some questions about what you would do in certain situations, but I don't think it delved deep enough.

If you want to watch a movie that digs deeper into the questions of humanity, I would suggest looking into the movie I'm reviewing next, Triage.

Deck View of Spring

2011-04-11T10:40:00.001-07:00

I sit and watch the spring around me.

At first I see the very large tree, the trunk, its shape.

As I focus longer I see the texture,

The blossoms,

Signs of growth,

Signs of change,

Signs of another chance.

-EL

VSMR: Gossip

2011-04-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

Movies are interesting. Some people tear them apart because they involve situations that could never happen in real life. Some movies are supposed to be that way. Not every work requires a literal interpretation. Some movies are abstract, some are like impressionist paintings, close up it's only dots. This movie is more of an impressionist work, stand far enough back and you see the work of art.

Gossip is a nasty thing. People talk, it's only words, right? So says the experiment a group of college kids start. Rumors, rumors of rumors, we've all played the telephone game. Turn it up a notch, add in a few not so well intentioned beginnings and see where the chips fall.

It's an interesting ride with this movie. Released in 2000, we see current stars a decade younger. Norman Reedus stands out as Travis, the artsy roommate. It reminded me of a period of time when life was more carefree, when your biggest adventure was what to do on Saturday night. *sigh* But as in life, consequences have a way of smacking hard.

This isn't the greatest movie in the world, but it was worth the time. They're just words, right? Not always.

The Floors are done! The Floors are Done!

2011-04-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

Tigger worked hard all last weekend. Our hardwood floors are now refinished and beautiful..

I love the darkness. They are simply beautiful. It will require a little work with the dog and cat hair, but I love them.

It's going to be a wonderful color to work with as we decorate the rest of the house. Can you tell I'm excited?

VSMR: The Box

2011-04-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

The wallpaper, egads, the wallpaper!! My memory of the 70s was not so stylish, thankfully. Directed by Richard Kelly, of Donnie Darko fame, this movie should come with a checklist.

Have you SEEN Donnie Darko?
Did you GET Donnie Darko?
Did you LIKE Donnie Darko?

Two out of three of those questions should be yes before watching this movie. You have to enter into the world of The Box with that mindset in order to understand the events. Even then it gets weird. I can do weird, I even like weird. Some people noted that the ending had no meaning, I disagree. The ending I got, it was some of the scenes in between that didn't quite connect.

I believe this movie wasn't as well received as possible because people were expecting a traditional thriller with big Hollywood stars. It's not. It's not supposed to be. That's one of the things I love about movies today, you can judge them for what they are supposed to be on their own accord. This one still falls a little flat, but the message is obvious.

Then there is the wallpaper. It's almost fractal-like in every scene. I know next to nothing about fractals, except that nature sometimes creates them. They are beautiful to look at. The wallpaper in this movie were garish versions of fractals, a twist in nature, human nature. Something this movies strives to show us, in its own weird way.

Love Your Neighbor

2011-03-29T05:48:00.001-07:00

I can't peer into your soul

To tell if He is there.

So many look around

And choose loudly to proclaim,

You're not a believer,

You're damaging God

I see it in your eye!

What they can not see

Is that Jesus weeps

A little everytime

We disagree.

Love your neighbor

As Yourself,

But don't walk their

Path for them.

They too, that

Person you don't believe,

Is part of His Creation.

He carries a drop of God.

-E.L.

Very Short Book Review: Scorpia Rising

2011-03-26T09:07:00.002-07:00

Scorpia Rising is the latest and final book in the Alex Rider series by Anthony Horowitz. I bought the book yesterday and sat down and read all 400 pages last night. It really is hard to put down and thankfully I'm a fast reader.

This is a fitting ending to a great series. One thing I have enjoyed about this series is that each book adds a little depth and maturity to Alex's character. Each book also increases in intensity, with Scorpia Rising being a nice crescendo.

This book allows us to peer more into the lives of the major players of the series, with not all outcomes as you would expect.

The backdrop almost seems plucked from the current events. There is an added sense of vulnerability to Alex in this book. It doesn't seem out of place. As some of the other books had a real James Bond feel, as in Of course he'll get out of this, he's Alex Rider!, this book made Alex more realistic.

No doubt I am a fan of Alex Rider. Unfortunately I'm no longer a teenage girl, more of a mother with a teenage son. If I were I'd have a poster of Alex Rider in my room., along with a few other literary heroes. I wonder if my son would mind if we hung a poster in the clasroom?

Imported goods

2011-03-09T15:45:00.001-08:00

Thought this was going to be about the economy, huh? Sorry, no, just about my blogs. I have opted to discontinue posting on my accomplishate blog for the time being. I simply don't have the time to develop it in the way I want. I've moved the posts here and will continue with my VSMR (Very Short Movie Reviews) and Those that Accomplishate.

May your day be pleased and all that is imported into it be good.

Expressing Words

2011-03-02T18:08:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here on a Wednesday night. Piled on my desk are Shakespeare, Lincoln, and Churchill. I have pictures of Frankenstein and Minerva losing their heads. I have Switchfoot in my ear and I'm still dizzy from being sick. My dog is curled on her blanket and peaceful.

Somehow I am going to instill in my son the appreciation for the written word. Somehow I am going to take that witty, imaginative child and show him that he CAN write down the imaginings of his mind.

I am going to show him the beauty of words in what I hope is a new way. The key is to not lose MY head before we start our two week journey next Monday.

Oh and we're running out of printer ink, in two printers. Lovely. Courage, right? I can do this. I think I can, I think I can...

Those That Accomplishate: Trevor Bayne, 2011 Daytona 500 Winner

2011-02-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

On Saturday I had never heard of Trevor Bayne. Yesterday I was screaming at my television with one lap left in the Daytona 500. A rookie was going to win, a rookie won. My husband and I were both standing and cheering for someone who was unknown to us just a day before.

Trevor Bayne turned twenty on Saturday and on Sunday he restored much of my enthusiasm for NASCAR. My husband, who I will call Tigger, and I are long time race fans. It's in our blood. He proposed to me at the drag races, our first trip together was the Indy 500, and our honeymoon was taken to Atlanta Motor Speedway. For several years we checked our son's growth by the pictures we took at races. Every year he would sit in one those huge tractors on display in front of the racetrack and we'd snap his photo. When he was four he stood in line for two hours to meet Mark Martin. We still have various cars parts, a spark plug and a lugnut, given to him by Bobby Labonte's crew and one by Robby Gordon. I can't remember which part came from which driver.

I've had the opportunity to meet a few drivers, including standing in line for hours to meet Kyle Petty. I managed to get a few words out in the time it took to get an autograph and snap a picture. That's one of reasons I like NASCAR, for the most part it's filled with people of character. It takes a certain type of person to want to get in a car, go fast neck-in-neck with the car beside you. Tempers flare, incidents happen, but they're all there next week to race again.

There's an atmosphere when you're actually at the races that is addicting. It's more than the smell of burning rubber, it's more than the t-shirts, it's more than simply watching cars go around a track.

For the last couple of year I've not watched so much. We hadn't lived near a track. I don't know who is driving what car anymore. It used to be we had the small diecast of each driver. I'll admit it, my son learned to count by lining up the 1/64th scale cars from 1-10. I think there were a few we didn't own so we had to explain. In addition to the numbers he knew the drivers. #6 was his favorite, still is. He's not a fanatic like us, but he always asks if Mark Martin is racing. I have to relearn my favorite sport now.

Trevor Bayne not only won the Daytona 500, I believe he infused some much needed enthusiasm back into the sport. He wasn't even sure where Victory Lane was and almost drove right past. He earned the victory, he drove like someone with more than two cup starts. His clear joy at winning, an unexpected win, brought a smile to my face.

Congratulations, Trevor Bayne, for being someone who accomplishates.

Our Hours

2011-02-16T18:35:00.000-08:00

VSMR: The Lovely Bones

2011-02-15T05:57:00.000-08:00

This movie is about Susie Salmon, the happiest dead girl ever. Beyond that it gets weird. I consider myself a fairly deep person, someone who can recognize symbolism and appreciate the abstract nature of some movies. I didn't quite get this one. Granted I haven't read the book, which I picked up at Goodwill last year. Maybe it hold some of the deeper purpose for this movie.

That was the issue for me, the whole purpose of Susie's presence after death seems unclear. When you view the previews for this movie you expect to see a different kind of movie. The pacing of this movie seems off and the characters never really seem united. Closure doesn't come in the way you'd expect and you're left with the feeling the story has been whitewashed by someone attempting to paint a impressionistic masterpiece. All I saw were dots, it never really felt like a cohesive piece.

Writing: I am my own affliction

2011-01-27T08:05:00.004-08:00

To Quote Switchfoot "I am my own affliction, I am my own disease." The desire to write has a way of seeping into your soul. I haven't written much in the last week, not much in the last month. Today I notice I'm irritable and my thoughts are scattered, my dreams last night not restful. I should know this, but that is the part of me, the creative part, gasping for breath. My brain is foggy, kind of like the streetlight in the picture above, obscured because of snow. Maybe my head is like a snow globe and it's been all shook up.

I've ran a few scenes through my head in the last week, but not written them down. Today, for my sanity and the safety of others around me, I will write something. It may not be good, but it might be. At any rate it will cure the disease, if but for a moment.

Courage

2011-01-24T10:17:00.001-08:00

Courage blooms in times of need

Rising from within our fear.

Our strong stance on quaking knees

Ignoring the urge to flee.

- EL

VSMR: The Men Who Stare at Goats

2011-01-24T07:12:00.000-08:00

The Men who Stare at Goats. Interesting movie, could also be titled How Ewan McGregor learns the ways of the Jedi.

You should know if you'll like this movie or not after listening to the opening narration by Ewan McGregor. Personally I found it hilarious and the opening pretty much set the tone for the rest of the movie. You can't take this movie too seriously, if you do you'll miss the point.

We finished reading Tom Sawyer last week and maybe I'm in a satire/ironic mood. This movie hit the spot. I haven't laughed out loud at a movie in a while.

Courage and Other Things I Fear

2011-01-22T18:20:00.003-08:00

The last few days I have had the voice of Ra's Al Ghul in my head. In the melodic rhythm of Liam Neeson's character I hear,

"You lack the courage to do all that is necessary."

Granted I have no plans regarding the destiny of Gotham City, but I'm pondering those words. What is necessary? What is necessary to me? What is necessary that I do with my life? I can think of many wonderful things I think are necessary. My family, my son's education those are two. Beyond that, what?

I keep coming back to my writing. Some things I write have merit, some need work. Some are examples of an idea gone bad. What is holding me back from pursuing them further? In all honesty it's a lack of courage. I have a fragile self-esteem which teeters from day-to-day. I loathe rejection and I take it personally. It damages me. I'm overly sensitive and I know it. It's part of what keeps me who I am, and it's part of what holds me back.

So as I've pondered my writing goals for this year maybe I need to work on a few other goals too. Like Courage. Captial C Courage. I've read a lot of self-help books over the years. I know quotes on courage (and on the importance of failure) I intellectually know that fear can't kill me. But self-help books have always taken me to the crowd, a healthy dose of mob mentality to keep me motivated.

Courage in writing is a lonely business. I like it that way, when I can be behind the computer crafting. But moving forward from here, either with self-publishing or traditional routes, is next on the list. I feel as a small child tightly grasping a ragged manuscript walking through a field of tall wheat. It sways and responds to your touch. You don't know what terror might linger in the field, a snake, a spider, a lion? But you stand there anyway and meekly ask to whomever will listen, "Would you like to read my story?" Then you sink into the grass and hide to avoid the rejection.

If I don't try I'll never know and that would be a shame. So I'm building courage this year, this season. Ironically I went to the library today and picked up a few books on sale (love book sales!) . One was JFK's Profiles in Courage. I wasn't even thinking of me when I picked it up. I bought it for my son to read down the road. I'll be reading it myself soon.

I printed this quote today. If you're reading this you'll know the truth, but I'm going to work on resembling this quote, "Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death." We'll just let it be our little secret.

Really Cool Towel Hooks

2011-01-19T18:28:00.000-08:00

These were my idea. I wanted something different for towel hooks. Since there are only three of us and no room for separate towel rods, we went with hooks. A trip to Hobby Lobby (a.k.a. the second level of hell according to my son) found these doorknobs on clearance. Yes, they are doorknobs. The blue is a similar pattern to our shower curtain.

I opted to chose an inexpensive craft block to mount the doorknob. My wonderful spouse then stained them the same color our floors will be once they get refinished. He then ran a bolt from the back to secure the knob to the block. The block was then mounted to the wall with two screws.

They turned out quite well. It's decorative and useful. I paid 8.99 for two sets of doorknobs (still not sure what we're doing with the fourth knob), .50 for each block of wood. The stain and screws we already owned. I'm not sure what the bolts cost, but I'm sure they were inexpensive. So for less than 25.00 total we have three unique towel holders that fit our personality and the tone of the house. I'm giddy.

VSMR: King Arthur

2011-01-17T18:03:00.000-08:00

I wanted to like this movie. I've seen portions of it on TV before. As I have been on a quest studying the historical Arthur, I added this to my Netflix queue. The casting was acceptable to me. I could even accept the brooding Clive Owen as King Arthur. However, this is the first movie in a long time I turned off before the ending. Because I had to know the ending I turned it back on the next day, but my interest was never piqued.

I did enjoy watching the knights on horseback (smile). I could ever try to read some interest between Arthur and Guinevere or Lancelot. Merlin, well aside from one quite silly scene, Merlin was a somewhat disposable character.

Thing is, this movie had potential. It had a successful cast, a musical score, beautiful settings, even a few scenes of peril that would leave you breathless (and freezing). But most of the story seemed to happen between what we saw on screen, the editing was choppy. The other annoying point of this movie was the overt attention paid to the legend of Arthur by the other characters. It was like the legend didn't need time to stir and brew in our minds, it already was. It would have been better if he would have just been a, well, Just person and allow the legend to be revealed not thrown in our faces.

The outstanding performance in this movie for me was that of Mads Mikkelsen playing Tristam. Maybe it was the bangs, maybe it was bird, maybe it was the samurai inspired armor. He definitely disappeared in the role, which is how I enjoy watching an actor. Being a James Bond fan I have watched Mads in Casino Royale a number of times and lately in Clash of the Titans. As part of my expanding repertoire I have now added a few more performances from Mr. Mikkelsen to my Netflix queue.

I wouldn't consider this version of King Arthur a waste of time as it helped expand my Netflix queue, but this movie missed the mark.

And We're Back

2011-01-11T11:31:00.000-08:00

I've stared at this blog for the last several months wondering what to do about it. I thought of shutting it down, ignoring it longer, or merging it with my other blog. But I've opted to have another go at it. I've been watching more movies as we are now down to two TVs and only one hooked to cable. I'm bored with network TV for the most part. I don't like commercials and honestly I don't like my dh complaining about the commercials just as much.

So I'm back to movies. I'm going to keep a running list of movies I watch this year. Not just through Netflix or the rare theater pic, but on cable and regular channels too. I may not review them all, but I'm exploring more this year. I going back to visit some older movies never seen, foreign films that require reading the screen, and revisiting a few favorites I'm sure.

I started the new year with a VSMR or a film I watched last night. A decent start to what I hope will be a better year.

VSMR: The Disappeared

2011-01-11T11:23:00.000-08:00

A well crafted story, a small budget film that makes a big impact. Not so much a horror story as personal tragedy story with a few sci-fi, horror elements added. Watched this last night, impressed at its depth. IMDB.com notes that this film opened on one screen and brought in less than 1k for opening weekend.

NOTE: This movie centers around the disappearance of a child. If that storyline would be disturbing to you I would not recommend this movie.

I viewed this movie via Netflix instant streaming.

Wrap-Up: 2010 Writing Goals

2011-01-07T06:45:00.002-08:00

2010 Writing Goals

Organize my writing brain (still unsure how!) - This sort of happened
Write 200k new words - I probably came close, will update with exact count
Complete Writing Challenges with local group - Yes!
Completed: Finish 2nd edit of Hunting Dragons - Yes!
Complete WriDaNoJu 2010 (June) - Yes!
Complete Nanowrimo 2010 (November) - Yes!
Did not complete:Complete Nanoedmo 2010 (March) - editing 2009 Nanowrimo - my editing style is different, plus March is a lousy month for a challenge. I'm always in the midst of planning the next school year.

Reading challenge 2011? How about a life challenge instead?

2010-12-18T17:45:00.004-08:00

For the last three years I have participated in a reading challenge. The 888 in 2008, the 999 in 2009, and the 20/20/20 for 2010. I have suffered this year. I have not been able to read as much as I had wanted, but I have read more deeply. For that reason, and many more, I am not going to participate or plan a reading challenge for 2011. We are still in the process of moving. I'm also doing a lot of academic reading as we move closer to high school.

I also have some distinct goals I want for my writing for 2011. I have a series of short stories I want to create all using the same setting. I have outlined that setting, but it's going to require more research. Most likely I will not be reading full volumes in that research, but snippets of information from many resources.

The house, the house is going to require my attention in the first part of 2011. We will go get the remainder of our belongings in January, hopefully. Then there is the layering of decor I plan, the cleaning of many things. The unpacking of many, many boxes. I imagine it will be spring before we are fully settled.

Then there is life. We are in a new community. We'd like to establish ourselves here, make friends, visit places as we plan to be here for a long period of time.

There are field trips we can take in two directions. Places we need to visit (does the desire to visit the art museum count as a need?) Camping trips and walks with the dog.

I love books, I love learning, I love reading. However, this year, especially this upcoming year, I don't want to be tied down to a certain design or layout in my reading. I'm currently reading The Aeneid (after a few false starts this year). It's reading more quickly than I had planned. But there are many books I want to linger in next year. Some books may take but a day, some several months. Being spontaneous and without plan is part of who I am. There are a few elements in my life that operate in that manner, some I need carefully planned and executed otherwise I stress. But reading and writing are two area where I can be spontaneous and feel fulfilled. So no plan for 2011 in the reading. I'll just start down the road and see where it leads.

At Home

2010-12-14T17:19:00.003-08:00

Could it be that we've found home? We're not even fully moved into our house and it just feels right. Honestly, it felt that way the moment I walked into it. It wasn't perfect, it was perfect for us. I hugged my house today. I'm feeling a tad bit sentimental, but yes, I hugged the wall while I was on the phone with my husband, reminding him how much I like this house.

This is my son moving in one of the few possessions that is currently there, a bed. A place to rest your weary head. And my husband's head has been weary. He's an experienced carpenter, his profession, his passion. We've been married a long time and over the years we've been remodeling something since we got married. However, we've never done an entire house in this short of period of time. This house is worthy of his time. It has a quality, a craftsmanship to it that was covered up with maroon and turquoise paint. He is reviving this house, I think it is glad we are here.

These are my new kitchen cabinets. The cabinet in the corner is original and stayed. It's a pantry, a great pantry. It's now white and the cabinets have a countertop. The cabinets will be painted a pale whitish turquoise, my choice. I've never had the choice before. I've never been in the position to NOT think about resale. Now we are. The kitchen is this house is more spacious than in our previous home (that was twice the size of this house). It's a well designed space with lots of light.
This is my husband who textured and painted all the ceilings. The lovely green mess was on the kitchen walls, it is now gone. The trim is now all crisp white and the walls be iced chocolate before Christmas. The textured ceilings turned out wonderful. He used a special technique, which name escapes me at the moment. It's more timeless and much more attractive than popcorn.

I'll take some updated photos tomorrow. We still have construction curtains (blankets and various other curtains) hanging on the windows. Our fridge is being provided by mother nature with the cooler on the deck. The working garage door creaks and groans, looking as old as it sounds.

I've often teased I could live in a cave as long as it had electricity and internet access. Well our basement walls are stone and they are 18" thick. Not just a cave, a fortress. I could hibernate here all winter. I won't, but I could. I walked to the library today. I'm 43 and I have never been able to say I walked to a library. It was nice. The library is full of old volumes, classics, books that were printed ages ago. They are shelved next to the latest editions. I'm impressed. I certainly will use the library more, especially when it takes five minutes to walk there. Even in the winter I can handle that.

My family and I have yet to live all together in this house. My son is staying at my parents, my pets too. Yet, we've still created moments here, sitting around the dining room table my parents gave us. My son, my husband, and myself sharing a quiet moment, a peaceful moment. We've needed that.

There is a pear tree in the back yard that bears fruit. It was full when we first started looking at the house. Next year it will bear fruit again and next year this house will be more of a home than it is today. There will be a teen who probably is wanting to sleep in, a husband who makes the coffee before I get up, a cat who wants to eat before I get up, a dog who is ready for her morning walk, and I am looking forward to that day, even if I roll over and sleep for another half an hour.

Nano 2010: Day 30

2010-11-30T20:03:00.002-08:00

Finished, done, completed. Maybe that is why I like writing, it is something that you can actually see completed, as opposed to laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Now granted a story in rough draft is not truly complete. In my eyes it's little more than scribbles on a napkin, valuable scribbles on a napkin however.

I'll have to take out the story in the future, clean it, polish it, cut at it (a lot in this particular story) and then I'll make the assessment if this is something I want to share with the world. With this story, I'm not sure. I like aspects of it ...(look the ink is barely dry and I'm already nitpicking)...I like the characters, I even like the conflict I created, but I'm not sure what I have written is enough to suffice the edit/mangle/edit/rip out a few grey hairs process that it will endure.

This is my fourth completed NaNoWriMo. Could I be so bold as to say my first Nano project sucked? Not at the time. I had to call it gold, I had finished and for that time November 30,2007 that was my goal. Simply finish.

I've become a rubber band in the last few years. I've stretched, I've expanded my view of what I am capable of as a writer. I'm more critical of myself, I've grown thicker skin so my critical views don't damage my fragile self-esteem. I know my weaknesses, or some of them. I'm starting to recognize a few strengths, although no where near my goal yet.

My story has ended on a happy note. It had its ebbs and flows in the final few days. I couldn't leave these particular characters damaged and broken. Not because they were my characters, I've beat up and written off a few in the last few years, but because these people needed to win. Don't you wish you could pluck some people out of real life and write a happy ending for them. There's a lot of pain in this world already. Somedays I like to read about other people and their trials. I read The Road this year and I needed to read that, the despair, the shard of hope being left undiscovered until the last moment. But somedays I need the happy ending, I need to know that these characters, these people created in the souls of others will awake tomorrow and be okay. Especially this month, I needed that. So I wrote it.

Maybe someday the words I've put on paper will give person that shard of hope for one more day. Maybe my characters with happy endings won't be shallow shells of stereotypes, but real living entities. Maybe they'll peer into your soul on a bad day and give you the strength to get up and try one more day. Maybe they'll show you how to find joy in the chaotic moments of life. Maybe someday.

For now Nano is almost over. 1 hour 38 minutes left according to my computer. I may write a few more words. I might fall asleep with my fingers on the keyboard. Goodnight, all. Good writing, all.

Nano 2010: Day 29

2010-11-30T01:03:00.002-08:00

This is (almost) the end, my friend. 29 days complete, many words written. Sadly Nanowrimo has been the only consistent thing in my life this month. We (that would be my family and I) started out in one location, now we are in another, still in the pain of transition. Routine is lost in the chaos, nerves are getting frayed as we try to return to normalcy. I can't find things I need, because there are three or four locations they could be.

Added a whole sub-plot to my story in an effort to continue on. I'm fairly certain this point won't make a final edit, but I may discover something about my characters in the last few days. We are always revealing ourselves in some way or another. Such is life. As the leaves fall from the trees, the leaves circle in the wind and are blown away.

Nano 2010: Day 28

2010-11-28T18:27:00.003-08:00

Went shopping with my son and my parents. Man, I love that kid. He has my goofy sense of humor, my parents were rolling our eyes at us. He's as tall as me now and it's more fun because he can look me in the eye. My husband is much more go in, get what you need, get it done, more serious about shopping. My parents amble through a store, which allowed Z (my son) and I to be more goofy.

Meanwhile my dog is chewing her toenails while sitting at my feet, yes the dog chews on her toes. It's left over allergies, hopefully that will change now that we have moved from the beautiful allergen filled yard.

Wrote some in my story today, will write more after I post. Coming to the end of my story, the end of Nanowrimo for this year.

I'm sad as I have now moved and this will be my last year reporting to my current region. I will miss the camaraderie of the people now hundreds of miles away. *sniff* I will miss trying to get that one table in the coffee shop, the one table that is near one of the two outlets in the whole coffee shop.

New season of my life, new season of the year. Winter, when things freeze and go into hibernation. Maybe that is a good time to move, a good time to plant yourself, a good time to take a step back before you bloom again in the spring.

Nano 2010: Day 27

2010-11-28T05:42:00.002-08:00

Was exhausted yesterday, wrote a lot of words and promptly forgot to blog. I wouldn't be awake now except I was distracted by the dog who needed to go outside and wanted an early breakfast.

Three more days of writing, one more day before we start back to school. All good things must come to an end. I'm excited to get back to some semblance of a routine. I'll be sad to see my story end, we'll see if I feel that way in the spring, when I will read through the story with a more critical eye.

Nano 2010: Day 26

2010-11-26T18:57:00.003-08:00

Lots of words today, my characters are sort of going throughout their day, not a lot of exciting stuff happening. They're still in that part of their relationship where they are questioning the intent of the other person. It's kind of cute to write about, considering I've been married for over eighteen years (it doesn't seem that long!) and we dated for over a year before getting married.

Writing a romance story is different than what I've done before. Usually in my books my characters know each other and their intent is not necessarily romantic, it's usually more internal conflict. Although romance can have a lot of internal conflict, does he love me, does he not? Is he the man he says he is?

It's also taken me back in our relationship, which is good, to those days where we didn't know each other well. I keep thinking of the song Love is a Verb, loving involves action. When we were first dating it was dinner or a movie or a trip to the racetrack (horsepower type races, not actual horses). Love today is knowing that there will be fresh coffee for me in the morning, knowing that when he gets off work he wants to come home, knowing that after eighteen years I'm finally getting the new kitchen I've always wanted.(Ironically I don't like to cook at all) Love is also knowing that if all you're doing is sitting in the same room watching TV together sometimes that is enough. Love doesn't always have to be fireworks and first kisses. Sometimes what is truly exciting is knowing that after all these year you still enjoy each others company, you still call each other on the phone when you're apart, and that you still love them when they snore or have cold toes or let the dog sleep on the bed when you're gone (not that I would do that... but it's too cold to kick her off).

Nano 2010: Day 25

2010-11-25T19:55:00.003-08:00

No words today, Thanksgiving, thankful for words, for books, for pumpkin pie. Thankful for dogs that curl up at your feet. Thankful for sleep, finally I'm going to sleep well today.

Okay, one word for today.

Nano 2010: Day 24

2010-11-25T07:00:00.002-08:00

Good thing I decided to post daily for only a month, because my consistency is way off. Wrote in my story last night. I'm at the rambling part of it now, nothing really important. Except the rambling helps sometimes, it helps develop my characters and I see little nuances about them that I may have missed in the previous 50k words.

Verification starts today for Nanowrimo. Be sure to verify your winning word count so you can collect those fabulous winner's prizes and secure your bragging rights for the next eleven months.

Nano 2010: Day 23

2010-11-23T19:21:00.002-08:00

Day 23, finished the story. However, I still need to write the epilogue, what happens after the real story is over. I want my character to be happy, I want to know what happens for the next season of their lives. Maybe that isn't a love story, maybe that is a horror story or a mystery or an action adventure. Life is kind of like that. Currently I'm in the season of mud and paint. Skim coating walls, priming trim, spackled patches where the holes in the wall used to be.

I can't wait to write in my new space. I was standing in there today, we moved the makeshift kitchen into that room. I was trying to figure out the best furniture arrangement, so I can see the door, so people don't sneak in on me, so I can look out the window, so I can watch the world go by outside. Will have to play with it a little, a lot of stuff needs to go in that room. Hopefully it will all fit well.

Still not sure what is going on my character's kitchen wall. She got mad and pulled the bare nail out and threw it away. Maybe she'll move and the wall will never get filled. I don't know. I guess I should write that part.

Nano 2010: Day 22

2010-11-22T14:45:00.002-08:00

I am a writer who likes to write at home. At home, that's been the issue for the last week. Home is a construction site, our new home, new to us anyway. It's a comfortable peaceful place, but we've never lived there. We only have part of our stuff, fortunately my writing desk is one of the items that made the journey here.

We're not even at home yet, we're hiding out...er, hanging out in temporary quarters. Sharing a room with a cat, dog, and about a 100 ceramic figurines.

I've written here (at the temporary place) but it doesn't set the same mood as home. I briefly thought of getting rid of my desk and upgrading. But sentiment and frugality won out. It's the desk where I wrote my first novel. I wore the finish off where my elbows sat on the desk. Instead of getting rid of it, I painted it.

I penned some lyrics to a song today. Those may never see the light of day, but they are reflective of what was on my heart today. They don't fit my story, that's for sure.

For now I may write the final scene today. I'd like to write the final scene today, if I can clear my head and clear the distractions. For now the dog is at my feet, the cat is on the bed, and I'm using the bed as a desk.

Construction tip for the day: Masking tape is not designed to be used for taping off woodwork when you paint. After months of being on there it's a pain to remove. Be a real DIYer and buy the blue tape, you'll look smarter, you'll feel smarter when you can pull it off easier.

Nano 2010: Day 21

2010-11-21T17:04:00.002-08:00

No writing today, no remodeling for me today. I took the day off. So needed, so necessary. Tried to find some semblance of our regular life today, worked for a while.

Hoping to sleep well tonight.

Nano 2010: Day 20

2010-11-21T06:19:00.002-08:00

UGH! Forgot again. Actually I did forget. We're still exhausted, but I worked on my story a lot. I'm on the last scene of the story, still not sure exactly how it's going to play out. I kept getting distracted last night otherwise I might have finished.

Afterward I'll keep writing, at least until the end of November. I'll do an epilogue or two. I have a habit of getting ingrained into my characters that I want to see what happens to them after their story has been told.

Nano 2010: Day 19

2010-11-19T17:20:00.003-08:00

Nano day, no words written. Thought about my story a lot. Came up with a plausible ending and if I have time to write more I'll add an epilogue or two before the end of the month.

Today I am exhausted. We worked on the house all day. Moved a dining room table into the actual dining room. The house is still a construction zone, but we had a dining table. I've been married 18 years, we've been remodeling something ever since, although this project is a little more intense and time sensitive than most. In those 18 years I've learned to live around the things that are partially done, on the list, temporary. Both my husband have been blessed with what I can "vision" to see a remodeling project complete before it is even started. Comes in handy for him, handy for me. Let's just say we would never let the paint color on the wall deter us from living somewhere. Paint is cheap, mostly. It's a good thing because this house has turquoise trim in the master bedroom. Dark turquoise, much different than the light barely aqua turquoise I want on the kitchen cabinets. Trendy color, yup. But I've seen it done and if done correctly with exactly the right shade it will have a classic cottage look, not a trendy look. If we don't like it in 10 years, we'll repaint, no big deal.

My husband and I were running an errand today and he told me, "Forget the highway, let's take the scenic route." We did, it was great. Some days you just have to take the scenic route. Today was one of those days. Tomorrow we will write.

Nano 2010: Day 18

2010-11-18T17:55:00.003-08:00

Day 18, lots of word written. The chaos has collided, that's good, at least for my story.

Day 18, our house now has a working shower and I peeled wallpaper. Thankfully the wallpaper is only one stairwell and it's coming off pretty well. Remember when wallpaper was hugely popular? Well I think there should be a requirement for those people who hang wallpaper and then sell their home. It should be stipulated in the contract that when you hang wallpaper you must remove it prior to closing, unless of course the new owner has your same taste. I watch a lot of HGTV, okay not as much as I used to. and I've never seen anyone on any house show say they absolutely love the wallpaper the current owner has installed and that the never want to have it removed.

Novels are a lot like wallpaper, there are tons of individual designs and not every one appeals to all people. I try to keep that in mind as I write. If I thought I had to appeal to every ones taste in my writing style, I'd go mad.

Again please excuse the grammatical and spelling errors. I'm exhausted and too tired to correct them.

Nano 2010: Day 17

2010-11-17T16:26:00.002-08:00

Nano day 17. November 17th. I'm exhausted. Today we worked on the house, lots of work, lots of mess. The end result was a new hot water tank, new toilet, and new bathroom sink. Pictures will follow.

Nano Day 17, no words yet today. I may not, I'm infernally tired and my brain is wired. I'd like to let my character brew one more day as I work out the ending. I believe the end day of my story will be Halloween. A fitting end for this chaotic story. It was supposed to be something totally different, yet it turned into a love story.

Perhaps I needed the fairy tale this month. Perhaps I need the ending where boy gets girl and they live happily ever after, or at least it will look that way.

My character is finding that life is that roller coaster, the good and the bad all rolled into one. That's something I've learned about life...good and bad days are separated anymore. The good and bad days get all mixed together and you get to decide which part you want to remember.

So today I may write, I may not, but my story will continue on...

Nano 2010: Day 16

2010-11-17T05:46:00.003-08:00

Okay, so I'm late, I broke my streak, which bites. I did finish my 50k words yesterday, managed to get them in before I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep forever.

Found the reason for my title last night, When Chaos Collides. My character is having to confront her past chaos and her present chaos in one place and time. Not fun for someone who prefers to lead a quiet life. We'll see how it all plays out today. The story is not yet complete.

This Nanowrimo story has been helpful in a few areas though. I've found in my past writings I have a tendency to drag the story out in too long of a time frame. For some stories that is necessary and works, but I've found the stories that take place over a short time frame are necessary too. This story has taken place over a period of about two weeks, my shortest time frame yet for a full length novel. It keeps the action from dragging and allows me to focus on fewer characters as well.

So this post isn't technically on the 16th, but it's early enough. My brain is only semi-functional. Lots to do today.

Nano 2010: Day 15

2010-11-15T18:18:00.002-08:00

Halfway through November and feeling exhausted. Drove 900 miles in the last two days. Dog had a blast. Last night she couldn't find a place to settle down and finally jumped on the bed in the middle night. She hadn't settled down until then, she never moved until morning. It's kind of nice to have someone living that follows you around and adores everything you do. Yeah, yeah I have a husband that loves me, a son that think I'm weird (take it as a compliment), but neither of them follow me around and lay at my feet if there is room. I also have a cat, but as typical for cats, he doesn't care one iota about me unless it suits him.

Oh, Nano....no writing today. Spent hours on the road, purposely driving to someplace that is cold. Did I mention I don't like cold.

Story ideas got solidified today, while on the road. Hopefully I'll get closer to my 50k tomorrow.

Nano 2010: Day 14

2010-11-14T18:47:00.002-08:00

Sitting in a hotel, eating fast food, tired. 8 hours of driving after hours of packing. No words on Nano today. I'm too tired. Worked on some plot points today. Thinking while driving is one of my great loves.

Tomorrow I'll be back at the story once we arrive at our destination. Sleep well.

nano 2010 day 13

2010-11-13T15:01:00.000-08:00

even with the day from Hades still managed to write 2500 words. Just at that point in my story where I know what is going to happen next and the words flowed. This novel is turning into complete step away from reality. Today my hands are so swollen I can't even get on my wedding ring. My back is aching, my feet hurt. Our move is official as of tomorrow morning. I'm glad, my dog is dying to go for a ride. the cat has been hiding most of the day. I'm going to take a hot bath, eat something for dinner and settle in to watch a movie with the boys. Tomorrow I probably won't have time to write. Adieu for now. Sleep well.

nano 2010 day 12

2010-11-12T16:36:00.000-08:00

blogging from my phone. not too used to doing this, in fact it's a first (and you were here for it!) got in 2k words today. big day tomorrow hopefully I'll get time to write.

Nano 2010: Day 11

2010-11-11T12:11:00.004-08:00

I haven't written my words yet today, but I will. I'm blogging now because my head may hit the pillow or the computer screen as I am finishing. Today has been a "challenging" day. Challenging is in quotes because I could use other language, but I'm more restrained than I used to be, plus I used up some of the words in real life.

remember how I wrote about people being on your side? It's just one of those days. Makes you want to channel your inner pirate and force some people off your ship altogether. I'm being vague because I tend to regret it when I get super angry. I'm not angry at my spouse or any other person I'm related to, just to set the record straight.

I shall also channel this "challenge" into part of my story today. I could say it would all be worth it if someday I actually edited and published this story and made some money from it. IDK, maybe, maybe not.

Did I mention we're moving? Did I mention it was this weekend? Logistical nightmares have ensued, my house is half empty, all mess.

I really wanted to blog about my experiences in Nano this year. I'm afraid y'all (yes it's a word) will see more of my fall from sanity than what my story will be about. Writing is truly my therapy this month. A year from now I'll probably read my story and be able to pinpoint exactly how I felt during each point of the journey. Hopefully that will translate to realism in the story...if I survive long enough to finish it.

Clunk...my head just hit the computer. My moving, packing, purging, wrapping, tossing, break is almost over. Back to it and at some point today at least 1667 more words added to my story.

ETA: 1707 words completed for today. Not dead yet, but closer.

Nano 2010: Day 10

2010-11-10T19:25:00.002-08:00

Day 10 has produced much tiredness on the home front. I barely eeked out my required words and honestly, again, I'm not sure much of it will make it to final cut. It's only 9:30, although last week at this time it would have been 10:30. My body has not adjusted well.

My characters are dancing on the edge of love, still too soon to say, but both knowing it's there. They've been friends for 3 years, not great friends, but co-workers who have spent time together. They've decided to announce their relationship at the upcoming company Halloween party. It's a costume party and they shall arrive in appropriate attire. At this point I'm not sure what that is, neither are they. LOL, because they're in my head. Part of me is really loopy today.

Lots of beginnings and endings in real life. Also realizing that real life is sometimes not as exciting as the stories you create in your head. Sometimes it's hard to know how to make the characters react in ways that would be true to their personalities, because again I am still one person with this voice in my head.

That's one of my pet peeves in movies and books in general. I hate it when an event happens and everyone cheers on the protagonist. That never happens in real life, unless you are at a sporting event, okay even if you are at a sporting event. Life never really has those moments when you feel like the whole world is on your side.

I envision life more like a chaotic game of Twister. You want over there, the other person needs to put their hand on green, your foot is supposed to be on yellow. By the time anyone wins you're so twisted up you need ibuprofen and chiropractor to sleep that night. Nobody is on your side all the time. Heck, I'll bet the people who are generally on your side most of the time aren't there always. Relationships are like that, even with the ones you love.

Maybe that's what is drawing me to this story. It's two main character have spent a great deal of time alone, but so far they are cheering each other on. They are still in the dawn of their relationship, they've been able to block out those naysayers. Tomorrow thought, watch out. Chloe, my protagonist, is going to have dinner at her boyfriend's parents house. That should be interesting, but mom isn't quite as excited about her son being interested in Chloe.

Nano 2010: Day 9

2010-11-09T17:16:00.003-08:00

Long day, I'm sweaty and tired. Packing, purging, and planning. Another day of random 1700 words added to my story. My characters discussed the future. They've been dating for a week. I didn't start out to write a love story, I don't even read romance, but it's turning into a sort of love story. Like I said yesterday it's characters brought together by common events and discovering that in their imperfections they like each other.

Z (that's my son) is happily playing Call of Duty, black ops. He's been saving money and was able to go buy it today. He requested this day off of school many moons ago, so he could play. I accommodated him, he's been working hard at school and around the house.

On a totally random note do you ever realize how much stuff you own? There's a lot of whys and what is this for going on right now. Suffice to say not everything is moving with us, not everything I move will get used at the new place.

The cat is enthralled that there are now many little cubby holes for him to hide, like empty bookshelves. Now that is a sad thought, empty bookshelves. I adore my books, I downsized a fairly decent amount lately. I have to have something to do when Z heads off to college in a few years. I will read and I will write. That's the extent of my future plans at this point.

I'm tired and I haven't eaten dinner. I didn't eat at all last night and tonight I'm not sure if I want anything or not.

You know stuff is stuff and life is life. In the event of a real disaster I would grab my child, my dog, my cat, my hubby, and my laptop. The laptop is where I keep my imaginary friends. Everything else is gravy. I like my home decor items, I do love my books, I even like my pots and pans (which is ironic because I HATE to cook).

As this blog title says we are but a Generation of Leaves. The leaves may protect a tree, but in the end the leaves fall to the ground. Their death nourishes the tree. Homer has left me pondering that thought for a long time. I have a leaf from my yard on my desk. It is orange and red and a little brown. It's beautiful. It dies at the height of its beauty. People are not as fortunate as leaves. Some of leave before we were intended, some of us linger in feebleness of mind or body. Leaves, I may have to work them into my story.

For now my character are settled in for the night and I am about to do the same.

(*disclaimer - I'm not spelling or even typing correctly tonight. Brain has ceased to function about an hour ago. Please excuse any typos or grammatically errors)

Nano 2010: Day 8

2010-11-08T20:03:00.003-08:00

Just barely got my 1667 in today. It's not my story that is running slow, it's my life. Lots of external stresses today that hindered my count and my ability to have time to write.

I thinking about cold weather, which I do not care for, and I'm thinking about coldness of the heart. Part of my story has to do with broken people. People who for different reasons have regrets and events of their past that mold their future. Part of me thinks that is my lot, to write about the broken souls of people.

I've been pondering hope too. Part of me never wants to leave my characters without hope. That doesn't mean things will always work out the way they plan, but hope should be there.

I've also been running various scenarios and endings through my head. Such as if the story were a horror novel it could end this way, if it were a mystery it could be this way. *Sigh* I write about real life. Sometimes it's a horror, sometimes life is a mystery, but never as dramatic as zombie rats in the attic.

I not a huge fan of Disney movies, but I like a happy ending. The problem in life is that we never truly know when the ending will happen. you just have to keep grasping for those good days, those height of the roller coaster moments.

Nano 2010: Day 7

2010-11-07T18:03:00.002-08:00

Story moved a little slower today. Still pondering a plot point, in the meantime I sent my couple shopping for antiques where they encounter one of their parents. Not exciting, a little drama, but small drama. Not quite enough to probably make the final cut.

Packed more today. Planned some schooling. Had a few great conversations with my hubby. Picked up a changing leaf off of the driveway. It might be the final fall leaf I pick up here. May send Z (my son) out to pick up some tomorrow, might send him out with the video camera too.

Still pondering some events of my story. Still thinking of my friend that passed away. Heart was a little heavy today in that respect. thinking about what really matters and its really none of the stuff I am hurriedly, carefully, packing into boxes. If push comes to shove there are only a few things that are vital. I will three boxes of books and such that we are currently using for school. I have one overly heavy box filled with my printed rough drafts and copious amounts of notes on my stories. Those boxes will not leave my possession.

I packed my childhood lunchbox today. In elementary school they had the real metal ones. Mine was from the show Emergency. It still has the name tag on the inside. I can barely read my scrawled name, address, and phone number. Long time ago. Long time ago, it was filled with peanut butter sandwiches and probably a lot of Pringles.

Part of this whole packing away things is good for my story. My protagonist is reliving part of her past, the painful part and learning to enjoy the exuberance of youth again. No matter our age we must continue to live each and every day to its fullest. Off to finish living this day.

Nano 2010: Day 6

2010-11-06T20:42:00.002-07:00

Met up with some awesome people for a write-in. Actually wrote some words while I was there. Tonight I'm tired. Household things somewhat done, somewhat. I bought a winter scarf today, haven't needed one in a long time. I have a thing about turtlenecks, I hate them. I tossed them all (okay donated, that sounds better) when we moved down here (Here being where it snows almost never, Here where you can Christmas shop in flip flops). I vowed like Scarlett would never be hungry again vowed that I would never again wear a turtleneck. I have a short neck, I want to elongate my neck, not hide it. So no turtlenecks, I shall wear scarves.

The one I bought is long. It's almost down to my knees. It's knit and kind of reminds me of a Tom Baker Dr. Who scarf. I am not tall, British, or a Dr. (nor do I play one on the internet).

My story continues along nicely. My two main characters who have fallen into this thing that might be a relationship are spending their day off together. They are realizing that even though they have an age difference, they have similar experiences in life that draw them to each other. I was curious to know what those experiences were, so I had to write them. I'm hoping to sleep well tonight so I can expound upon that topic tomorrow.

Once I reach 50k words I'm going to make the final decision on whether to try and bust my insane word count from 2008. It's so absurd to think about that in the midst of everything else going on in my life, but it may be the motivation I need. Not just to write, but to remind myself that I am capable of doing more than I realize.

I was reminded again last night that life is too short. A woman I knew from another season of my life passed away. I don't know how and I don't know why. We weren't necessarily close but we ran in the same circles and we shared some good memories together. She was 47, too young to go. I had been thinking of her the other day, just a passing thought of a conversation we had once shared. Now she's gone. Life is short, make today, make tomorrow what you need it to be. It's YOUR life, not your mother's life, not your spouse's life...it may not even the life you thought you were supposed to be living, but whatever happened to get you to where you are (physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally) that's your life. There is a purpose to it. If you're writing a story, if you're one of those crazy nano people, write your story the one that when someone (hopefully lots of people) read it they will feel they experienced part of who you are. An author leaves a little part of himself/herself on every page, even if the story is completely imagined.

Sometimes in life we blaze a trail, sometimes it's what we leave behind that matters in the end.

Nano 2010: Day 5

2010-11-05T20:33:00.003-07:00

Word count still flowing amazingly smoothly. This is the point where my ignoring real life has taken its toll. My house is a mess, did I mention we're moving soon? Like by the end of the month. My house is a mess, oh, already stated that. Thousand and one things that need to be done as regular maintenance beforehand, like oh doing dishes and laundry. I did clean a toilet today, more information than you wanted probably, but I FELT productive.

Tomorrow is Saturday, in fact in a few hours its Saturday. I must attend to real life duties before I head out to a write-in with some fabulous people that I know. My natural inclination is just to toss it all in a box and move it. Better yet toss it in the trash and don't move it. Unfortunately I need to separate some important "its" from some less vital "its" before I decide while filing system to use.

I anxious to get back to my story. I printed it all out last night and read through it. Did you know that printing on scrap paper is a great recycling tip. You know all the paper that didn't print right the first time. Flip it over and print the draft on the opposite side. Worked great, because we're almost out of the real printer paper, which I'd rather not buy more for the next two weeks. Did I mention we're moving? Oh, yes, got that covered. Did I mention it's like 900 miles away? One ream of paper might not matter, but then again one little ream of paper can add up. You know, oh, I might need that, I might use that. I'll want that at the new house. Sooner than later you find yourself with a truckload of reams of paper (metaphorically anyway) and then you'll have no room for the important "its".

Wait this is supposed to be about Nanowrimo, right? Two of my characters have started dating. I may be writing a fairy tale. I'm in the mood for a fairy tale. One of my characters is a child of the 80s, as I am as well. Yesterday I discovered quite by accident I've been adding song titles from my generation into the story. Not like as song titles, but as dialogue, as parts of sentences. So far Head Games and I don't Like Mondays are in there. It's not an important part of my story. It's an inside joke maybe for those of us who like totally know the 80s. I'll be adding more as they filter into my brain.

For now, back to the story, or sleep. Whichever wins first. Don't forget....back up your stories. Don't lose your valuable word count, your awesome thoughts, and wild words of prose.

(This post will not be edited for grammar or spelling. I'm tired and right now I don't care.)

Nano 2010: Day 4

2010-11-04T19:45:00.002-07:00

Now the story gets interesting. Day 4, many thousands words ahead of where I thought I would be. Now I'm invested into the story. *I* want to know what happens next. I am so not sure. Opting to go in direction A has been different than I had supposed. One character has hijacked the story and brought in an element I hadn't really anticipated. It's making the story more complex. It's adding depth and confusion to my main character, Chloe.

Day 4 and I'm tired still. That's a perpetual thing lately. Thankfully my son slept, he was goofy today in school, it was nice. Not the vague lost look I've seen as of late.

It's November 4th and it feels later. For once I may be ahead of the game (knock on wood). We'll see what tomorrow brings, in my life and in the life of Chloe.

Nano 2010: Day 3

2010-11-03T17:05:00.003-07:00

Beethoven doesn't know it, but he is helping me write my novel. I find Moonlight Sonata to be one melody that clears the noise of my subconscious away enough to write clearly. I have it play over and over again on my tiny MP3. I wonder if Beethoven would have liked an MP3 player?

The story progress and although the words are flowing I'm having an internal conflict about where to got next. If I take direction A the story goes one way, if I take direction B the story goes quite in the opposite direction. As my mind ponders the words fly onto the keyboard. My characters can only stall for so long. In the meantime, my mind is soothed by a lovely sonata.

Oh and we slept last night, no storms. It was nice to feel like sleep actually happened when it was needed. Still took a nap today. Brain exhausted, fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Less chaos, but chaos still lurks in our midst. And the days move forward still.

Nano 2010: Day 2

2010-11-02T17:14:00.004-07:00

Day two was met with insomnia, rain, and lots of coffee. It stormed all night. It kept my entire family awake half the night. Not good. It was the turn off your computer type of storm so I couldn't write, plus I was too tired.

Z, my son, woke up exhausted. He stated he'd been up since 3:30. He looked it. Thankfully we made it through some school. The child who never naps is now asleep and it's only 7pm. He's been asleep for a while. I slept for three hours this afternoon and I needed it for catch-up.

Oh, my story. I'm almost at 10k words. I most likely will be by the end of the day. I think this story is going to be cathartic on many levels. It's been easy to write and plot points I had not thought of two days ago are cropping up when needed. My character is a composite of many things, some of them my own feelings of being over forty and not having life figured out yet.

My nano stories always seem to take place in the fall. It makes it easier when I can incorporate the current weather and mood into the story.

Chloe is my main character in this story. I can identify enough with her to grasp some of my thoughts to use as hers. Her life is removed enough from mine that I have to ponder what she might do next.

Chloe is currently searching for a piece of art to hang in her kitchen. It's not a major point of the story, it's a thread being woven throughout the entire story. Right now I don't know what she will put up where there is a bare nail. I'm a big believer that the art you hang says a lot about who you are. Chloe isn't quite sure who that is and at this point, I'm not sure about her either. The right art piece is like a piece of treasure, sometimes the hunt is just as rewarding as the picture itself.

Nano 2010: Day 1

2010-11-01T09:59:00.003-07:00

Woke up early this morning and yanked the laptop from the nightstand. Honestly, the first day is probably the easiest. I have words rumbling in my head that have been itching to get put onto paper. Plot points and settings that I work out in the course of the character. I have adrenaline flowing. At the time we started school I had 3k words. Writing IS cheaper than therapy.

It's dinner time and I'm up to 5k words. The story is developing and I have a headache. I'm taking the easy way out tonight and take some ibuprofen and kicking back in bed. My wonderful husband is on dinner duty.

I'll probably write some more before the end of the night.

Nano Eve is Upon Us

2010-10-31T16:24:00.002-07:00

Tired, wearied, excited, and hungry, those describe me about right now. Life still happens when Nanowrimo approaches. That's okay, I'm still balancing those plates. My goal for November is to come out at the end of the month with my sanity intact. If that's not entirely possibly our ML promised therapy for the person in our region with the highest word count. Maybe he was kidding about the therapy and maybe I was holding a toy sword in my hand at the time, so likely I won't be depending upon that outlet to fund my climb back to normalcy in December.

We had our kick-off party today and I'm excited to write with a bunch of really great people. This is the third year we have an official region. Third year of wacky write-ins that involve extension cords and lots of laptops.

I do have a few official goals for writing this month.

1. Reach minimum 50k
2. Blog here everyday to explain my progress.

I can't guarantee anything else and I can't even guarantee my blog posts will be interesting or witty. I will try to make them coherent and legible to the average reader. I'll post some pics along way.

Won't you join me for the journey? Come on, it will be fun.

Plates, Spinning, and a Myriad of Boxes

2010-10-18T06:40:00.002-07:00

My son spent a lot of the weekend in his room, by choice. It's a great space, he only comes out to use the facilities (kitchen and bathroom) and then returns to what I refer to as the lair. It might have to do with the red glow in the room as the sunlight shines through the red curtains and bounces off the two red walls. It's his space, he likes it. He is happy there.

Remember when we could retreat to our own little space and be happy? Those are some of the days of childhood I miss, the time spent alone dreaming, imaging what your future might hold.

Viola! here we are, the future and part of me is missing that twelve by nine foot bedroom. I walk through my house (that resembles a mess at the moment) and I see all these little areas that need attention. In reality it's not that overwhelming. I have a husband that is not afraid to do a household task and a son who is fairly neat and self-sufficient. Add in the fact we're moving soon (soon is now sooner than the previous unknown "at some point in the future"), I'm trying to develop a story I will write for Nanowrimo this year, and I'm educating my child. My plate is full.

I recently met someone who attempted to juggle strawberries. It was a comical, interesting, and at the end the strawberries were mushy. His point was that to focus on juggling you have to have a focal point passed the point of where you're throwing up the object, it helps to look at a wall.

Hmm....I've spent enough of my life looking at the wall, proverbial and literal. As I sit here I see my classroom wall. It's a golden color, very appealing, not too mustard, not too brown. I sit at my desk which has gone from a deep brown to a celery green in the last two weeks. This green desk is my room, my space. When I sit here and write I explore my world, my mind, my hopes, my fears. I could sit here all day, I have sat here all day before and I will again.

In our planning for a move I briefly contemplated getting rid of this desk. It's certainly not spectacular, it's from Target. One day I'd like to have an antique desk, something carved and with some character, or maybe not. Stephen King talks about keeping your writing space humble. That thought crept into my head and I realized I've crafted quite a few things at this desk. Stories not yet done, a life to my characters not yet complete. As with my life, I'm not done and I'm certainly not complete. I am becoming and this desk is part of that process. So the desk moves with us.

In the meantime I must go secure a few more plates, the world continues to spin 'round and 'round if I do something upon it or not. In the end I know the household chores will never be done, they will never be completed, final, fine, finito. They will always be there. When I sit at this desk I realize I too will never be done and that's okay. There will always be new words, new thoughts, new cares, new fears. One of my favorite songs talks about being undone. I am undone and as I take time to reflect and unwind I become more undone. That's okay, that just gives me more to explore, to discover and I strive to reach a state of completion.

VSMR: Prince of Persia, The Sands of Time

2010-10-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I finally had the time last night to sit down and watch this movie. What a ride and what a surprise. This movie is part Pirates of the Caribbean, part Lord of the Rings, part Sinbad, and part Indiana Jones with lots of jumping and spinning added. It is based upon a video game, which I didn't know while watching, but that makes sense now, all the spinning and jumping.

I couldn't help but reminded of the first time I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark in the theater. I felt that wave of excitement over discovering a fable for the first time. This movie did the same thing for me. If you read my previous reviews for other adventure movies released this year you'll see I've been somewhat disappointed. This movie exceeded my expectations. It has adventure, a mythical element, and a moral to tell. It is a story could span the sands of time.

I don't often watch a movie with my parent radar on, yet this movie reminded me of watching Sinbad shows on Saturday morning. It has peril, violence (but not gory violence), a love interest (but definitely PG rated), good guys, and bad guys too. It reminded me of those adventure stories you heard as a kid, the ones you loved and your parents approved because it taught you something at the end.

The casting is superb, the artistry of this movie is excellent. The only things that might pull you out of the story is the glowing white teeth of the actors, honestly.

In the end this is kind of the movie that makes you want to be a kid again. To dig out that sword or dagger and play in the back yard in your friends.

I am Flawed

2010-10-02T08:37:00.002-07:00

On any given day my self-esteem can soar and then crash a few hours later. Some days I feel like these steps, worn and battered. I am flawed and I am scarred. Yet underneath all of this damage I see myself and I am pleased. In my soul, the depth of my core, I like who I am. I'm 43 years old and I haven't always been able to say that.

These steps are from the home we are in the process of buying (Crossing fingers that everything continues to go smoothly). They aren't pretty, but they will be. There are similar features throughout this home that are flawed and scarred. Underneath it all it has the bones to be charming. I literally almost cried when I saw inside this house for the first time. I'll post more about it when the time is right, but it is perfect for us, for my family. The fact it is missing a few key features, like a kitchen sink, or a bathroom sink, are irrelevant to me. Honestly, it just means there is less demo work to do. I'm married to man that can fix or build practically anything and I'm excited to see what we will do to this house.

I've had two major abdominal surgeries. One to remove my spleen and check for more cancerous lymph nodes and one to remove a life form (he who just turned 13). I have a nasty scar that divides me down the middle. I hate that scar, it ruined my once flat abs. I love it that my cancer has been gone for over 15 years and I love my son. I look at him and see the best of my husband and me.

I have multiple scars on my hands, arm, and even my face (if you look closely) from working at an animal hospital for five years. Those scars remind me that I once was fearless. Have you ever tried to get a scared cat out of a cage? They can leap at you, cat scratches hurt. I was once bit on the face by a shar-pei. We made up afterward, I might get snappy too if someone was giving a shot too.

I have a scar of sort in my mouth. When I was a kid I knocked out my two front teeth, my permanent ones. One tooth ended up having a root canal years later and is now discolored. I need to have them redone, yet the cost keeps me holding off. Perhaps when we move it can become a priority. Because of this you will never see me post a picture of me with a full open mouth smile. Maybe I'll do a before and after once I'm able to get the procedure done. I actually don't tell many people about this and I'm cautious about the way I smile.

All of these scars are the physical manifestation of my memories. They are who I am, flaws and all. I'm not ready to get into the internal scars and flaws (and you probably don't want to go there with me anyway).

As I look at the house we are buying I don't see the scars, I don't see the missing features, the battered stairs. I see beauty, I see charm. I see memories that are yet to be made.

I hope to view people through these eyes as well. We all have flaws, we all have scars, but there is something beautiful inside all of us. May you find that beauty in yourself and may you only see that beauty in others.

The Season of Nano is Almost Here

2010-09-30T06:25:00.002-07:00

The season where writers and want-to-be writers collide together to reach for 50,000 words in one month. Nanowrimo, you say? Yes, I say. 50,000 written words in one month? How, you say? How does one eat an elephant? Actually I don't like that analogy, kind of gross. I don't want to eat an elephant, so why would I try? If you don't want to write a novel, you might not want to try and write 50,000 words in a month either.

I have successfully conquered the challenge of Nanowrimo in 2007, 2008, 2009, and now...well 2010 is adding a unique twist. At some point in the next three months my family will be moving. We're packing up, heading out, heading away, and transferring our residence, our home, our stuff (gah!) hundreds of miles away. We don't know an exact date, my guess is that it will be smack dab in the middle of November.

In writing one of the first things you hear is "SHOW, DON'T TELL". So I am going to show you how *I* Nano. Should I be moving during that time it will lend a nice little plot twist, whereby you will state, sheesh, I'm glad I'm not doing THAT! If you are Nanoing then my self-imposed torture of moving will make your writing seem like a piece of cake. I will consider it suffering for my art (does back pain count in that?) and post my quips and pics along the way.

They are rolling out the new logos and such this week on the Nanowrimo.org site. Be sure to check out and see what the crazies will be doing for the month of November.

VSMR: Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief

2010-09-18T06:08:00.000-07:00

I reviewed this movie when it was originally released. I was disappointed. I ordered it from Netflix to give it another shot, a few more months to know it wasn't like the book. Honestly, I was still disappointed. The actors do a fine job with what they are given, which wasn't much. The dialogue was dreadful in most places and seemed to be put in to tie the action scenes together. The cast put together for this project was top notch, unfortunately they weren't given much to work with.

I am a big fan of the books, last year was kind of like the Percy Jackson obsession year in our household. I had hoped this movie would at least set the foundation for the remaining books to be turned into movies.

However with the removal of two major characters, Clarisse and Ares, they've already created a dilemma. Another issue is the age of the characters. In the book Percy is twelve as our story begins. In the movie he is more like sixteen. Originally I had thought this might play out all right, but it doesn't. There was an innocence in the book that is trampled in the movie. When we read the book together my son was twelve. Twelve is an interesting, magical age, not quite ready to be a man, slowly letting go of childish things. Sixteen is different. There are enough movies about teenagers.

Another issue is that Greek mythology gets watered down and catered to the lowest common denominator. Do they think kids are incapable of getting some of the mythology? It seems Annabeth has to state at every opportunity that she is the daughter of Athena, goddess of wisdom and battle strategy. Okay, we get the point.

It also appeared that every culturally relevant topic and movie had to have a bit showing. Maybe my perception but come on! There were bits that reminded me of how bad our economy is (do tweens care about that?), certain other movies and TV shows (Vegas anyone?), Easy Rider...did we need the literal AC/DC music as they journey on the "Highway to Hell"?

Percy Jackson could have been a great original movie series. Instead they tried to place bits of everything else relevant to the culture in it. It didn't work. I still adore Percy and would love to see there be a movie #2, but movie #1 was returned to Netflix yesterday.

If you were disappointed by the movie I recommend reading the books. They're fun, addictive, and please have access to all five volumes otherwise you'll be running to the bookstore. Oh and Rick Riordan, the author, is releasing a new book from the annals of Camp Half-Blood. The Lost Hero releases October 12th.